how to rock a neck brace: part 1

2.22.2013

Part one of the series in which I demonstrate how to make having a neck brace look cooler than not having a neck brace. Stick around for more ideas if you're interested in upping your fashion knowledge. Some real winners are coming your way!

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

And when life hands you hideous neck braces named Hellish Helga...

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You know:
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Step 1:
Purchase a neck brace. These are available probably anywhere. I mean, try Amazon. They have everything.
Or maybe just herniate a disc on purpose. I hear it's all the rage these days.

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Step 2:
Purchase some bling. I mean, bling bling. I used bling with adhesive backs. And don't underestimate the bling factor. Go big or go home on this stuff, you know?

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Step 3:
Start your design. Mine came purely out of my head...I was going for an Indian princess/snookie diva look, which I think I achieved quite nicely. So just think of something epic like that, and go with the flow. Start sticking those babies in every nook and cranny. Don't be shy. The more, the better. Trust me.

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Step 4:
Have your favorite candy handy (whoa, slow down poet), and maybe your cool mom there to give you status reports on how awesome you're doing, and also what's going on outside of your peripheral vision since you can't turn your head without turning your whole entire body...and that would just slow down the bedazzling process. So have some outer-peripheral extra set of eyes around. that helps.

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Step 5: 
just keep sticking. Just keep sticking, just keep sticking, sticking, sticking. What do we do, we stick, stick......You get the idea. Stick until your fingers cannot stick any longer. And then stick some more.



Step 6: 
With your diligence in step 5 comes the amazing end result. Well worth it, I presume.

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Step 7: 
Confidently strut your newly bedazzled neck meat around the town. Be prepared for the gay guys to stop you and ooo and aaahhh over it. Be prepared for little girls to stare at you for longish amounts of time. Be prepared for people to covet your awesomeness. Be prepared to make people wish THEY had a herniated disc .Be prepared for people to tell you that you are rockin' that neck brace.

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Because guess what, my friends? You are rockin' it.
You just made that neck brace your bitch.

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Represent.

I tried to Google "how to bedazzle a neck brace", but I came up empty handed. I thought Google knew everything. So, you're welcome, Google. I just saved your can.. And maybe I'll start an Etsy shop, selling bedazzled medical paraphernalia. I mean....you just never know. Stranger things have happened.

8 comments:

  1. I showed Cally this post and she told me she would like a necklace like yours :) You have some crazy good artistic ability, love the bling.

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  2. I think I'm in love with you???

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  3. You totally rock that brace and make me smile.

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  4. I am not even mad right now ... BEST.

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  5. Elyse, I want you to know that I just Googled "bedazzle a neck brace" and guess what is fourth on the page? This post! You are practically famous!

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  6. You are my hero! Having neck surgery Friday and although it may be last minute, I'm thinking about a little bling to my sad pitiful neck brace too. Did you bedazzle the straps too?? Very fancy! Have to make the most of it. Really should start an Etsy shop! : )

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  7. THANK YOU!!!!! I am going to have to spend 3 months in one of these damn things and I am in a state of shock, horror and fear. You have totally made me my day. I am inspired and slightly less freaked. I will make that thing my bitch.

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