Mr. Fur Coat

12.06.2012

Lately, our days have been filled with cute baby giggles, Christmas gift hiding and playing lots of games indoors while it rains some gnarly rain.

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Life has been good for this mama and her adorably smiley sidekick.

Seriously, she's turning into a huge mama's girl, in the best way possible. She's fine with strangers and great with babysitters, but she sure loves her mama, and gets super excited anytime she sees me. I love it so much.

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We've also been decorating for Christmas and doing advent stuff, and are SO on top of it this year. Only a week into December and every last piece of my Christmas shopping is done. DONE I tell you! I deserve a medal or something.


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The Vivinator is THIS close to walking. She can make her way around any room as long as she has something precarious to grab onto. The other day, I set her down by the couch and went to grab some food, and by the time I got back, she had made it all the way to the other side of the room and had a fake walnut in her mouth and was trying to gnaw on an owl candle all at the same time. So yes, I guess you could say we've failed at baby proofing thus far. Life is about to get interesting.

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And me and Dale are so incredibly in sync, that when I'm having a bad day, he knows exactly what cookie from which place he should bring me to turn my day around.

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OH.
And guess what else? I have an awesome story for you guys. So the other weekend, Dale's work threw a Christmas party on Treasure Island in this cool winery, and we went. We ditched the babe with a really cool friend and headed off to the city in the pouring rain to enjoy work talk and being the only people drinking water.

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Now, I'll tell you that I wasn't too excited for this partay because I didn't find anything awesome to wear. In fact, I was so bummed that I didn't find the perfect dress for it that I almost made up an excuse not to go. I just really wanted to find a holiday dress for the first big party of my life.

Anyway, as luck would have it, unique, modest dresses are hard to come by, so I just threw something together that I had and kind of hated it and went to the party enjoying my view of Dale's stellar menswear and ruggedly handsome bearded face.

To be honest, the party sucked. Unless you drank wine, which we didn't. And unless you like getting introduced to a bunch of people you don't know who are accountants....and like to talk about work....and like drinking....also, I wore the wrong shoes again. And I wanted to cut my feet off.

Luckily I had a friend there, so our husbands talked accountant talk and we ate a lot cheese and crackers and enjoyed our trophy wife status. And I still wanted to cut my feet off.

Eventually we decided to ditch the party and go home. As our friends were waiting for us, Dale and I got separated. He found some people he wanted to introduce me to, and I got lost in the throng. As I was making my way back to find Dale, two very gay men dramatically stopped me.

And this is where my night gets good.

Now, I really have never known a gay person. I've never really talked to someone who was gay because lets face it...I don't exactly run in circles where I would run into one. My life is pretty sheltered when I don't work and stay at home as a mom and my main hangouts are Target and the mall.

Anyway, I always imagine that they would make the best girlfriends with the best shopping advice. I mean, Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson are the two best dressed people I know.

So these two gay guys stop me and profusely tell me how I am just ADORABLE! That my outfit is PERFECT! It's just so refreshing to find someone with a sense of FASHION! Oh DARLING! So effing ADORABLE! Seriously, it was over the top. Turns out, they were housemates, and one wasn't gay but the guy with the full length fur coat was (Obviously, he said to me).. And so instead of being offish and surface polite, I am gushing my thanks and I start animatedly talking to these two men like they are the best friends of my life. Because seriously!? They were awesome, and gay guys are freaking hilarious.

Anyway, at one point in the conversation, Mr. Fur Coat asks me if I work. So I tell him I have a baby and stay at home as a mom and he LITERALLY gets right up in my grill...by my waist...and says "NO. EFFING. WAY." and then he looks up at me, and then back at my waist and then back at my face. And he gets like, super close to me and gives me this all knowing look. "Honey, if I was straight, you would be the first". and you know that feeling when someone is looking at you like they're gonna kiss you? I was getting that vibe. And so were my friends watching from across the room. And so was my husband secretly watching from a few yards away. Anyway, I wasn't really worried, but I really thought he might kiss me and THEN what would my homophobic husband DO?!

Long story short, he meets my husband, tells him that if he wasn't gay, he would be straight for me, but then proceeds to lock fingers with my husband and says, "but I am gay, and your girlfriend...or wife...or girlfriend...is gorgeous." And I can tell Dale is about to lose it on this very drunk, fur coat clad, flirty man.

By this time, I am literally dying of laughter, and since I knew that I could act as flamboyant as I wanted to and he wouldn't think anything of it, I told Mr. Fur Coat that I knew we were soul mates and that we totes needed a picture together. So Mr. Fur Coat looks me straight in the eye and somberly nods, as if documenting soul mate-ness is an important ritual. And as my husband looked on incredulously, me and Mr. Fur Coat soul mate do our best fierce faces.

And now I get to remember it forever.
Because HOLY, was that an experience to remember.

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I live in San Francisco.
I can't make this stuff up.

Hopefully this didn't sound like bragging, because in all actuality, my outfit sucked.
But I guess if a gay guy thinks your outfit is the shit, it probably is.

6 comments:

  1. Ba ha ha. That is super funny! And you are always fashionable, I doubt you could come up with something that wasn't. Glad there was at least something amusing/exciting at that party!

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  2. Sooo funny. Although I can't figure out how you live in SF and this was your first gay guy experience. :-) My husband would probably freak out if a guy tried to hold his hand, lol.

    PS: We live in Sacramento, so only like an hour and a half away! And it looks like our daughters are around the same age! And we're both Mormon. So...we should meet up for a playdate sometime.

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  3. HAHA! I'm dying! So awesome! And you did look HOT! And randomly, we had our work party at the same place 2 years ago. I guess the big four really are the same. haha. Although this experience is much more exciting than any work party I've been too. :)

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  4. This could only happen to you. Best picture ever. Hilarious. I wish all the gay men that I have known were as stereotypical as that. Amazing.

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  5. Hahahaha oh I love this oh so much. So so so much. One of my best friends from high school is gay and let me tell you.... They really are the best. BEST. Friends :) anywho.... Love the story and your homophobic husband cause I was just thinkin that if it were my husband he would've flipped.

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  6. You own my dream coat! Where did you get it? Do you have one of those clothing items you've always wanted and just NEVER found!? I want/need/yet feel like I will never have, a darling tan trench. Full of envy.

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