Identity theft and online dating

8.27.2012

Recently I've been exploring the job scene a little bit...taking a leap to see if I could find some type of writing job online. Let me tell you, I don't have any idea where to start, and I have no idea what I'm even doing. Kind of embarrassing that I'm even admitting this, but I digress.

So in my nonchalant search yesterday, I hit up the local Craigslist.

Now, let me just say that I've always thought Craigslist was an interesting beast. Ever since that skank/killer scandal a few years back, I've always got this ghetto vibe from it. Don't get me wrong, I've scored some prrrretttty sweet stuff from Craigslist. It's legit, but still. From hookers to horses to handymen, you can seriously find some gnarly stuff, you know?

ANYWAYYYY.

So there I was, searching for a random job that I could maybe do from home so my brain doesn't wither away into miniscule dust particles (I realized after doing this that I'm not good at ANYTHING beneficial. It's so sad), and I find the gold mine.

THEE motherload of all motherloads.

An opportunity like no other. A career maker.

The title says: "unique and creative ghost writer needed"

So I say, "hmmm. I could be a ghost rider writer."

click, click, click.
open.

The gist:

a man. really busy life. needs someone to manage his online dating profile for him (read: doesn't have time for online dating, let alone real live dating). He simply does not have the time (read: my work is my life).

Someone with more creative flair than he has at his disposal (read: he's a drag). Someone who can manage his profile and respond to emails of potential candidates (read: make me sound cooler than I really am). Every girl you set up that he approves of (read: hott girl), you get cash. mega. cash.  And then, if you happen to set him up with the girl of his dreams (read: hott girl, tomcat in the sack), you get a whole boat load of cash, plus the good graces of said busy-San-Francisco 6'1", straight, single, educated, well-traveled, 31 years old, hard-working man (read: zero personality, lives with his mom).

I have all of the qualifications too. I have a sense of humor. Strong writing skills. I have a good 2 hour chunk of time when my baby sleeps that I could troll all of the hott girl myspace shots possible. Although I don't have experience with online dating, I will admit that I set up an online dating profile with a whole bunch of lies and a hott self portrait once when I was in high school, just to see what would happen (after I created it, I forgot about it. I bet a fat guy is trying to call that number in Australia right now).

So, right when I'm reading this job offer, this commercial popped into my head:




And this one:




And then this one, for good measure:




Honestly, I'm half tempted to take the job. I would be great at it, but the stories. OH THE STORIES! I bet you wouldn't find their equal in a million years. That right there is worth the money he's offering.

Anyway. I'm getting the feeling that I'm going a little overboard now. Are you offended?

It was just so funny. I mean, I found it yesterday, and I'm STILL laughing. Even now as I'm writing this. Cackling the whole time.

Gosh.

(if this is your uncle, please don't be offended) (if you online date, go you.) (has anyone else ever set up a fake profile for the heck of it?) AND (online dating and identity theft isn't the same thing, but in a weird way, it could be. It's not a joke. Millions of people suffer every year).

5 comments:

  1. Hilarious!!! You need to just write a novel and make millions of dollars! I would buy ten copies! Haha

    ReplyDelete
  2. That is a serious job offer?!
    sign me up!
    does he think someone would make him look appealing --- what a tool! haha!

    I love your blog!
    xo - ashley

    www.ashley-warner.blogspot.com 

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm dying right now! Will you make an online profile for me so people think I'm cool?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Trying to find the Best Dating Site? Join and find your perfect date.

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