what am i?

6.04.2012

The other day, I was faced with a question:
Who am I?

For a couple of days, I thought and thought about what I could say. What am I? Who am I? What is something that sets me apart from others? 

Friends who were asked the same question seemed to have all the answers.
They knew who they were and what they were.
loyal, kind, service-oriented, a daughter of God.


And I'll tell you something sad...I couldn't think of anything that I could say. It really bugged me. I could not think of one tiny thing that is uniquely me. I haven't done anything special in my life. I am not the most spiritual person I know. I am not unique or crafty or have work experience. I am not creative or undeniably sweet or infectiously happy. I am not a person that you can't just help but love. I am not really optimistic.

It has occupied my mind for weeks.

So what am I? 

Right now, in this moment of my life, what am I?

 What am I? What am I? What am I?

I am a doer
I am a friend
I am honest
I am trying
I am hopeful
I am faithful

These things, thought not very good affirmative statements, are very honest. They are who I am in this moment of my life. Basically, my life is summed up in number four and five. Right now, I am trying. Just trying to do my very best. I fall short so many times, and it's so hard to get back up and forget shortcomings and just love. But linked to that trying, is hope. I am hopeful that things will get better. That I will get better. I am hopeful that things will work out, that I will be a good mom, that Vivian will be a wonderful, thoughtful person because of me and Dale and God.


And then, I thought of un-religious things that I am. If I could have answered the question like this, I would have no lack of ideas.

I am an eater
I am sarcastic
I am hormonal
I am always late
I am confident
I am awkward
I am a worrier
I am an over-achiever
I am supportive
I am a carb addict
I am a picture hoarder
I am a journal writer
I am in love
I am pessimistic
I am loud
I am social
I am a learner
I am a teacher

These things define me. They are who I am.
And maybe I'm not that lovable, happy-go-lucky person. Maybe I'm not the person who always knows exactly what to say and when to say it. Maybe I'm not the person that you like right away or the person that does everything right.

And then I realized:

I am me.

7 comments:

  1. I love this Elyse! What you may not think of yourself, others see great things in you. You are a wonderful friend.

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  2. Strangely enough....I have been kind of wondering the same thing about myself lately! Thanks for this post. :)

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  3. I think we tend to see the bad in ourselves...me included!!! I have been wondering that lately and I have come to realize that I won't ever stop wondering because we change so much. The best part about this life girl is that we can always try and be better. You are the most amazing girl. I can guarantee that you make people laugh everyday they read your blog. You are such a gifted writer and I love you girl! Thanks for being such a great friend. Oh and you are such a fantastic mom! Little Miss Viv is always looking so darling! :) Love ya!

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  4. I could easily think of 15 off the top of my head for you, but not one for myself. I had to tell the lady to tell me what she wanted me to say. "I am pathetic" probably would work for me. :)

    P.S. I love those smiling pics of Vivian!

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  5. You are a writer! And a very thoughtful dau-in-law.

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  6. I happen to think you are pretty wonderful. You are super talented and have always been a very loyal, kind, thoughtful friend! I don't want to get too sappy so I'll stop there. Love you!

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