inventions that kick ass


Some inventions are just awesome.

Like dry shampoo.
whoever invented dry shampoo, I would like to kiss that person right on the mouth.
without dry shampoo, my hair would not get done 98.3% of the time.

Also: mini Reeses. They are unwrapped. they are Reeses. And they are mini.
it really doesn't get much better than that.
although my bag of mini reeses is currently a gloppy melted mess in the drink holder of my car due to babies who hate car rides and the curse of having only two hands.

Let's see....

other inventions that kick ass lately?

well...swear words. Sometimes I think swear words are the greatest invention ever.
Because sometimes there are no other words. 
I'm sorry.
It's true.
(If you're judging me right now...try having a baby as naughty as mine and then get back to me)

I think Netflix will probably make my list next.
whoever came up with Netflix is pretty legit.
Because without Netflix, I probably wouldn't survive.

Mint and coral is a pretty cool invention. I like whoever came up with that.
and polka dots. I really like polka dots. a lot. Obsessively.
I will buy anything that has polka dots on it.
I hate cats, but if it was a polka dotted cat, I would adopt it instead of try to run it over.
it's weird, but what's new.

Inventions that include pre-made cookie dough and mini-tiny cartons of Haagen Dazs ice cream are also really awesome. These inventions enable me to just sit down with a tube of cookie dough and eat the whole thing and not even have to lift a finger. Well, maybe one finger to eat it.
and THEN I can turn to that mini-tiny carton of ice cream and devour the contents, because hey. It's mini-tiny. Therefore it can't be that many calories (let it be known that those mini-tiny cartons of Haagen Dazs are 220 calories. But who's counting?)

I'm thinking that Craigslist is a pretty freakin' sweet invention. We scored a nice big BBQ grilling machine for a small fee of $100. Heavens to Betsy, it was a steal. And now Dale will stop complaining about it and I can say it was his Father's Day present for time and all eternity. 

Also, I really love this invention of avocados smashed up with other delicious ingredients that results in a chip dip above any other. Otherwise known as guacamole. Which, I am feeling like I could eat a whole bowl full of it right this instant.

Other inventions of note:
swimming pools that are warm
movies that are funny
pigtails that are new
s'mores that are delicious
carbs that are fattening
and babies that are sleeping

And since we are on the subject of inventions, I have to tell you about an invention I have dreamed about for the span of my whole life.

A Dream Machine.

The name still needs a little tweaking, but in essence, it is a machine that records your dreams. Too often, I wake up too soon from a unbelievably awesome dream, and as I try to remember the specifics, it slips away from me like water does through hands. Even if I tell myself WHILE I'm sleeping, "Elyse, you have GOT to remember this! You are about to kiss Ryan Gosling's face!", try as I might, I just can't seem to recall the details.

Basically, you would be sleeping in your nice warm bed with a few little wormy cords hooked up to your noggin. And when you started that twitchy twitch that comes when you are falling asleep, the good times start rollin'.

As in, a giant screen rolls down the side of your wall, and a teeny tiny projector appears out of no where. And as you start having your weirdo dreams about Brad Pitt as Harry Potter; Space Edition, a little flicker pops from the projector, and BAM.

Your dreams are live.
In color.
On your wall.
For everybody's entertainment, and probably your horror.

They would also be recorded on a nice little blue-ray for your viewing pleasure.
Hopefully you don't have crazy sex dreams, because THAT would be awkward.

So grab some popcorn and peanut M&M's people.
I promise that someday, this invention will happen.

So that's it for invention edition: v.1
I have been feeling super un-inspired lately.
Is there anything anyone wants me to ramble on about on here?
I could really use them.

danke schon 
signing off
over and out.

Ps: all photos are from my instagram because I'm obsessed.
follow me? @elysebeard


  1. I love you, I'm always cracking up readin your posts!! I love your little Naughty V. You both have the best style ever!!! And keep me posted on the dream machine!!! But maybe only if the sex dreams can stay... Hahaha

  2. I just love this blog... Sooo much I can relate to. And freak- with all these psycho pregnancy dreams I've been having, a dream machine would make people think I'm cray. Sex dreams have been making more appearances lately as well. Whew.. these hormones!

  3. Cash just sat next to me the whole time I was reading your blog laughing and pointing at the screen. I can't wait for him to meet Vivian in person. We will have to keep a close eye on him.

  4. Logged in as Joey....this is Suzy.



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

beard All rights reserved © Blog Milk Powered by Blogger