today sucked a big one

4.15.2012

I'm not one of those people who likes to make my life look perfect and pretty and together on my blog. I try to be positive, but I think at heart I am a pessimist. And I tell it like it is here. So if you come here looking to be uplifted...well, click that red X now.

So this. This is how it is today. Today sucked a big one.


I'm sitting here on my bed.

There's puke in my hair, and I'm not bothering to wash it out.
there's puke on my shirt (for the 4th time today),
there's puke on my pants (for the 3rd time today),
I have a piles of laundry to do,
my hair is falling out
my stomach is still fat,
my normal clothes are still too small,
I can't form coherent thoughts,
I just caught myself swaying,
my ears are ringing,
I hear crying in my sleep,
sleep is a daydream,
last night was the night from hell and the devil himself,
I am dreading this coming night,
I am dreading tomorrow when Dale is going to work,
I feel like the stupidest human being alive,
what are motherly instincts? 
I have no idea what I'm doing, what to fix, or how to fix it,
and I take back everything I ever said I wasn't going to do when we had a baby. 
Because I'm pretty sure I did it last night.


nursing is hard
having patience is hard
controlling your anger is hard
hanging out with friends like normal is hard
giving attention to your husband is hard
looking stylish is hard
feeling like a woman is hard
feeling pretty is hard
feeling like life will never get normal is hard
looking like you know what you're doing is impossible.

Having a baby is HARD.

It's nothing special, today. I know that every one of you mothers have had days like this and worse.  So I'm not looking for sympathy. I just wanted to complain.

And tomorrow is a new day.
And I get to hang out with this little darling (when she's not crying).


And I really am ok.
It was just one of those days.
You feel me?

21 comments:

  1. Oh man. It gets so much easier, you actually start to forget about the days like that. It makes me scared to ever have another one. But seriously, my lifesaver was a book called "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems". She really does. She is a genius. Get it.

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  2. welcome to the glamourous life of being a mother! don't worry, we've all been there and we all understand!

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  3. I love you Elyse! Let me know when you want me to bring that extra creme brulee by :)

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  4. Awe man girl. Days like that do suck. And you go ahead and vent all you want! I think it's healthy :) but, Dani is right, it really does get easier. The first month is such a big adjustment, you're doing awesome! Is she a puker? Loves, wish you weren't so far away!

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  5. Elyse- Having a baby is hard. No one can prepare you for it or giving any training in any way! I totally know how you feel right now and it is hard and it is okay to vent. Sometimes it makes everything better when you let it out! I hope all is well with you and your little lady! She is adorable and you look great!

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  6. I feel for you! It seriously takes me 2 months to feel ok and where I actually feel semi normal again. I thought maybe number 2 would be faster, but it hasn't. It's ok to give yourself LOTS of adjusting time. Hang in there, it gets better!

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  7. Oh you just described the first 3 months of my life with Olivia...complain on my friend!

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  8. Dude. I feel you. It's a good thing she is cute.

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  9. Oh you are a mother's dream cuz some don't think that anyone ever knows what they are going through! Tell it how it is! I definitely know how ya feel and really crying is my outlet. haha I have a good cry and then you look at them and see how cute they are. Make sure you do something for you!! When I get ten minutes to do what I want...best thing ever! Love ya!

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  10. Oh and P.S. you look great! I don't know what you are talking about with the whole stylish thing! ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS!

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  11. I definitely remember those fun nights and I am sooo not looking forward to that part again...but it does get easier and more normal eventually. Knowing you keep it real on your blog I have been wondering when a post like this was coming! I'll send some happy sleeping baby thoughts your way.

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  12. Elyse...it will get easier. Also I wish I could be helping you like you helped me! Love you

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  13. Ok.. so you prob don't know me, but I went to Cedar High and was friends with Dale! I am good friends with the Nakken family and so I found your blog through Sara's :) Just wanted to say I love reading your blog! You are so dang cute and your new baby is a doll too! Sincerely, your newest Blog stalker :) P.S. Tell Dale I say Hello!

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  14. I hated those nights. Just when you think it won't get better it really does. Hang in there! You can do this.

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  15. I just found your blog recently, and I have to say, I love it. So I guess I should comment instead of lurking in the shadows here. You are right. Being a mom is SO hard. SO much harder than what you may think it will be before your baby is born. I remember wondering how people could actually take their babies places and seems to easily nurse them.... I thought I would just have to sit at home in my pajamas for the rest of my life. Everything you said was exactly how I felt when I had my first baby.
    You are completely normal. And you will eventually start feeling normal again too, it just takes time. You are doing a great job. Hang in there, you can do it! (my daughter is almost a year and a half and I still give myself pep talks daily).

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  16. I love it when you have to EAT YOUR WORDS!!! I remember laying in bed listening to Josh cry and seriously wondering if I could kill Erik and get away with it. So many crazy things are happening right now, so just cry, eat, do WHATEVER you have to do to get through the next 3 months. After that you will start to sync up again. In the meantime, the F bomb might fly out a few times, but its ok. Let it fly.

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  17. you have now graduated to the mom club... i'm so excited to have you here!! :)

    i love you Elyse- there is nothing that can prepare you for the crazy difficult moments of having your first newborn...or even any newborn. they are creatures of their own kind. little devils who make all kinds of swear words come to our heads and then humble us down to our knees to ask for help and forgiveness to be worthy for the task. you are a fighter, and will make it through- and love her even more than you can imagine with every passing day, in spite of all the crap and puke and feisty 'tude that she's giving you (and will continue to give for the rest of her life). you're awesome- hang in- and know: you're not alone! xoxo

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  18. Oh Elyse, I will truly keep you in my prayers! I seriously have some post tramatic stress and reading this post brought it back haha. I remember my husband taking our baby on a drive at 3 in the morning just to give me a minute of sleep. It wasn't unitil that morning he realized he walked out with no shoes and his garments. Lean on your partner and I dont just mean dale... look to heaven...its the only thing that got me through and really it was at rock bottom where I had some of lifes greatest lessons taught to me! However, for the next month I am with janelle just cry and vent! Love you!

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  19. my baby doll had pretty bad reflux and would throw up within 2 minutes of nursing and wouldn't go back. Took her to a chiropractor to re-align her and was prescribed zantax and she did much better. just something to look in to if you want (yes, a good chiropractor knows how to re-align an infant) but everything else sounds normal for the mother of an infant. :) and you have a good attitude. tomorrow is a new day.

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  20. After 7 kids, I am still eating my words!

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  21. Sorry, but I might be laughing a little bit. :) Been there, done that. I even think I had a little bit of post-partum. I felt like I was just hovering over myself and not really "there" for a long time. And being a Mom is shocking. And nursing is not all flowers & daisies like the movies. (What movie shows breastfeeding?? LOL) It took me two months to figure nursing out. And I did everything I said I wouldn't. (Can you say "Held my baby girl in the rocking chair all night long for two months so I could sleep"?) But we wouldn't trade it for the world because being a Mom is the best thing in the whole, entire world. How blessed we are. Good luck! It gets WAAAAAAAY easier and better every single second. :)

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