things i've learned

12.21.2011

So I was thinking the other day....

I have been in California for exactly 1 year and almost a month. I swear that it was just a couple months ago that I was crying my eyes out as my parents left me alone in a tiny apartment with loud neighbors and my GPS so I could find the grocery store down the street. 

It was rainy. It was cold. I didn't see the sun for days. LITERALLY. And it wasn't only because I didn't get out of bed until 5. That's just how Cali does it when it gets in the mood to be rainy.


I'm gonna be totally honest here and say that this year was hard. Super super hard.
 Looking back on the last year according to my blog, I learned that this writing about it on this blog got me through some tough times. 
Does that sound silly? Probably. 
But I express my feelings through writing so much better than I ever have any other way. This blog was therapeutic for me. I did a lot of soul searching and then recorded it on this here web space. It made me feel connected with people and family, and it helped me so much. Maybe I got too personal, and probably a lot of people thought it was weird how I was bearing my soul in my long-winded posts. But gosh it has helped, so thanks for putting up with it.

  Learning to be my own person, to come out of my shell, to lean on Dale instead of friends I was comfortable with or my mom was an interesting transformation. I have learned to dress however the heck I want. I have become brave enough to wear red lipstick to go to the grocery store, and leopard pants because I like feeling fierce. I have learned to entertain myself and find things to keep me busy. 



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I have gained a testimony of ward families and the Lord knowing exactly what you need and exactly when you need it. I have learned that God loves me and knows me and cares about me
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I have learned to enjoy play dates and music time even when I don't have a kid. I have learned to be loud(er) than I already was, and act overconfident so I could convince myself that I really was confident. I have had to accept myself enough to believe that others would accept me the way that I am, no changes, no faking. 
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I have learned that I really can run ten miles straight at 6 in the morning if I have friends to run with. I have learned that I can hike 30 miles uphill with a really heavy backpack while secretly four weeks pregnant and eat freeze dried meals with lake water to wash it down. I have learned that California is beautiful, that the people here are wonderful and weird, and that I really shouldn't be walking down my street at night alone. 




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I have learned that huge black widows and those nasty earwigs really like to camp out by my front door. I have learned that snails leave mysteriously beautiful silvery tracks across the sidewalk and breed like nobody's business. And I have learned that I never step on them if I can help it, because I think they are good luck. Those snails were the sunshine in my day when I first moved out here.
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Finally, I have learned to love my husband more than I can possibly explain. He is my bright spot and my best friend. He was the only thing that could make me laugh when I thought that all I could do was cry forever. We are closer and more newlywed-ish than we ever were, and that is and always will be the blessing I count as the biggest when I look back at this experience and count all of my small, medium and big blessings.




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However easy this same experience would have been for somebody else, it was one of the hardest things for me. But looking back over the year, I see how much I have adapted; how much I have grown and changed and learned. I don't recognize the person that I used to be, and I think that's a good thing.

This was a good choice. God knew what he was doing. I just wish I could trust him a little more and be happy about it at the same time. It's a hard thing to do, as I'm sure you already know.

And now, a year later, I am ten times more madly in love with my muscly red headed man, I am 20 pounds heavier, and have a feisty baby girl fetus that likes to kick me 24/7 so I don't forget that she's there. I have an amazingly wonderful group of friends, the best ward that anyone could ask for, and a little niche that I have learned to love and thrive in. 

Going through a refiners fire to change kind of hurts.

But life is good, and so is God.

3 comments:

  1. You are such a cute girl, and I love your posts!! Your honesty is so refreshing:)

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  2. I simply adore you, probably more than you could possibly know. I, for one, have LOVED seeing your growth on this here blog. It is real, and I love reading about it. Thanks Elyse!

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  3. You are so cute. I'm so glad you moved here! Merry Christmas and then get your butt back home.

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