I will be happy


Today, I am determined to be happy.

You know those times when you wake up and you're just sad for no reason?

Gosh, it's been that kind of week for me.

Also, I just noticed I have stretch marks. And they are not on my belly (yet). I refused to believe that I could actually get them in the place that they are. Everyone warned me, but I didn't believe.
But I asked the doctor, and much to my dismay, he confirmed.

Basically I want to cover all of the mirrors in my house, gouge out my eyes, and never walk around naked  again. Sexyness is a word of the past.

Mostly I just cry and cry and cry as I mourn the loss of the body I once had and hated.
Body image is a fickle thing, no?

But last night as I was in a pit of depressing despair, a lot of my tears came from my embarrassment of how very shallow I am. Because I know that a lot of people can't have a baby for various reasons. And I am complaining about a few stretch marks in strategic areas that define my womanhood. Whatever right?

But for all intents and purposes, I am having a hard time with it. A really hard time. So don't judge me. I'm one of those girls. I still need to learn that there are more important things than looks.

And as the doctor told me yesterday, "You don't have a baby to get a better body".
And as my mother told me yesterday, "Stretch marks fade, baby stays. Good trade off".
And as my husband told me yesterday, "You can't even see them!" (nice try).

So today, I am still very sad about what can only be the beginning of my changing and stretching body, but I am also determined to be happy.

I am happy that my body is healthy and strong and can build the baby that is inside of me.
I am happy that my baby is healthy and strong too.
I am happy that I married a husband who loves me for me, and not for what I look like.
I am happy that he still thinks I'm the most beautiful thing ever, even if he's lying.

Mostly, I am happy that I don't live in a nudist colony. Because that would REALLY suck.


  1. I got stretch marks there too. And don't even worry that my baby is almost seven months old and my once flat belly is still flubby and very stretch marky. It is lame, but hey, that is why we have clothes... to cover them up :) and husbands just have to deal with it. I still get depressed when I see people with flat bellies. Not that that helps you at all... but the baby makes it all worth it. Trust me! Little girls are so much fun!! So there. It happens to us all. :)

  2. I totally got boob stretch marks first!Ugh. But it gets better. A little self tanner can work miracles. And I promise you can get back in shape after the pregnancy. And just cuz other people may have bigger problems and heartaches than you, it doesn't mean that your problems and heartaches don't matter. They do. You are very loved. And I still consider you to be one of my most beautiful/hott friends :)

  3. I love you Elyse! You're allowed to sad about your body, at least for a minute. I have a gnarly stretch mark that will never go away! I guess it will just remind me how I'm the one who fed my babies for the first year of their little lives. It will be all worth it! And Dale is right, you are still beautiful!!

  4. as a young momma too, I understand how hard it is to accept that your body is changing. Three years later after the birth of my daughter, my body is no where near the same. I'm still having a hard time with it, but my daughter is my everything and I could be so much worse off. Keep your chin up, you're beautiful and the people that really matter love you for who you are, not what you look like. Good luck on the rest of your journey, being a momma rocks!

  5. Not to make you feel worse, but there are stretch marks in places you won't be able to see until AFTER you give birth. I am a firm believer in the tanning bed. Its like a magic eraser for your body.

  6. This is the most beautiful thing I have read in awhile. And I'm not just saying that. You are one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen--and from reading some of what you have written, it's apparent that it's not just skin deep.

  7. "Just as a mother's body may be permanently marked with the signs of pregnancy and childbirth, [the Savior] said, 'I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands' (1 Ne. 21:15–16). For both a mother and the Savior, those marks memorialize a wrenching sacrifice--the sacrifice of begetting life--for her, physical birth; for him, spiritual rebirth"

  8. Your thoughts are totally normal, don't feel bad. Most of the stretch marks will go away with time (or at least get lighter) so don't stress out too much. That said, it's gonna get worse before it gets better :)

  9. okay you're funny. I love how you put stuff. But seriously i've had one of those weeks too. It's so frustrating when you get upset about things you know are silly and you try to explain it to other people and it just doesn't work! Hopefully once your baby comes you won't even think about the stretch marks. I've heard motherhood is sexy ;)

  10. Okay guess what.. I got stretch marks there too and still have them BUT.. they are getting lighter!There is hope that they will go away. It really is hard to deal with how your body changes, especially right after you have the baby (prepare yourself!!) BUT it is worth it. It really had taught me patience and that looks aren't everything. You are so cute Elyse.. Just remember that. I miss you. Keep blogging to fill us all in on how the prego ego is doing:)



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