happy thanksgiving from a humane household

11.23.2011

Today, I'll be talking about a seemingly serious issue.

No, no, not Peeta Mellark.

The PETA I'm talking about is not a stud.
The PETA I'm talking about couldn't even live in the Capitol.

Because the PETA I'm talking about is something that could possibly provide you with hours of entertainment based solely on ridiculousness. 
I sometimes wonder if PETA is serious. Like, seriously?

So when I caught something via the world wide web, I couldn't help but laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. Out loud. 

Their most recent campaign ad goes something like this:


Geared towards kids, PETA is laying it on thick. 

Phrases like:
"roasted puppy leg"
"trade your drumsticks in for Tofurky in a heartbeat" 
(Why in the hell would anyone eat something with a name like that?)
"sticking to humane, delicious, vegan meals" (oxymoron?)
all seemed to be a parody of something serious instead of a serious issue.

Most of the articles I read reminded me of some kind of dating bio from Eharmony.
"Turkeys are gentle, inquisitive animals who enjoy listening to music and like to have their feathers stroked,"

or this one:
"Turkeys are protective and loving parents as well as spirited explorers who can climb trees and run as fast as 25 miles per hour."

I'm sure you are all squirming in your seats from the red-hot guilt slicing through you at this moment.
Really it just cut to the core of my poor little animal-loving, tree-hugging heart. 
So as a family, we decided to roast up our dogs instead as PETA suggested.

Out of consideration for their feelings, we haven't told them yet. I think they are basking in the sunshine and chasing their tails right now, completely unaware of their fate in a few short hours.

We are a humane family. 

We are also organizing a wonderful funeral service for the frozen 21-pound turkey that's in our freezer right now. He narrowly escaped our digestive systems, and instead will rest in peace in the backyard under the maple tree.


So, farewell, Luke Skywalker dog. Adeiu, Kona and Kato.
PETA guilted us right into eating you for Thanksgiving.

And as PETA so wittingly put it :
"Adults can quit cruelty cold turkey this season"
 (pun not intended, I'm sure)

Go stuff yourselves PETA. We're making fun of you this season.

3 comments:

  1. I think I heard that PETA is giving out discount cards for abortions this holiday season, in the spirit of ending cruelty to animals.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't know about you, but I can't think of anything better to eat this Thanksgiving than a giant warm plate of Tofu. Also I think your Mom would rather be eaten for Thanksgiving then to sacrifice one of your dogs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm thinking about getting a pet turkey

    ReplyDelete

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