that one time when i was a geek


You know, I like to blog.

Some people think blogging is stupid.

But blogging is me practicing my writing skillzzz. Suck on that.

Did you know that once upon a time, before I became one of those too-serious, too-afraid adults-who-thinks-their-childhood-dreams-are-stupid type of person, I wanted to be a writer? An author, actually, if you want to get technical. I think I still have 10 chapters of a book I was writing about a slave in Egypt. I have journals from when I was in 2nd grade. I was pen pals with a friend who wrote a whole short book and sent it to me by chapter as she wrote it via snail mail. I still have that book too.

On the side, I wanted to be an actress who sings in Broadway plays and is really funny and pretty. In middle school, I was a major geek. I took a whole year of drama and starred in two school plays as the main characters because I loved it so much, and if that doesn't kill your social career, I don't know what could. 

This was taken on crazy hair day, so don't jump to any conclusions people.
I say again, in middle school, I was a major geek (see above), as well as a major goody-goody-two shoes, who quit dance because the costumes were immodest, who wouldn't listen to 94.9 FM because sometimes the songs swore, who never would watch a PG-13 movie, and who changed her group of friends because I socially didn't fit in with them anymore, to look for a different group of friends who maybe could be my new role models. 

It was a weird stage, that's all I'm gonna say. Middle school is enough explanation, right?  While other girls were kissing boys, wearing cool make up, getting their hair colored, and wearing Abercrombie, I was a huge loser who wanted to wear a bra, but didn't need to, had braces over my buck teeth, and was still learning to do my hair on my own. Plus, I had no group of friends.

As a nerd alert blessing from above, my 7th grade year proved to be my saving grace. I was put into a Core class with 6 girls who were already that little group of friends that I had been eyeing to make friends with for a couple months. As it stood, starting 7th grade, I had no table of friends to sit with. So I decided to be brave and invite myself to sit at the NEW clique of friends' table without being invited. I sat at the end, and they semi included me because they were super nice. And so I kept doing it.

We didn't reach the staged of getting asked to hang out for a while although I heard a lot about their fun plans and stuff, but I was awkward and shy when it came to friends. 

So, Halloween time rolls around. I seem to remember Halloween being on a Saturday that year, and I had no one to go with. No group, no friends, no costume.  But I was determined to make friends with these new role models of mine, even if they sometimes looked at me sideways and talked into their hands  when I butted in to conversations. So the scene is Friday, the day before Halloween. Place: Girl's bathroom during break. I follow said group into the bathroom and casually listen as they go on about their Hallow's Eve plans, how they all have their matching poodle girl costumes, what routes to take, whose house they'll sleep over at.

Casually, I sidle up to them as I'm washing my hands.

And I ask if I can go with them.

And they are nice girls. So they said yes, after looking at each other and giving "the look". I think I was "that girl" that their mothers told them to be nice to.

So we went. They dressed up like poodle skirt girls, and I came as a mad scientist, with weird contacts in my eyes, a dorky lab coat and my hair spiked every where.

I look back at myself and shamefully shake my head. I was so ridiculous.

But, it was the start to a new relationship, and I became very good friends with that group of girls. And I'm grateful for that, because they were good role models, and they helped me come out of my shell. Maybe looking back has made me dramatic; that's what my mom would say. I wasn't that bad. But I remember how I felt then, and how lonely having no friends was. I remember how hard it was to push myself to make the first move.

And making new friends is still hard. But I love the new friends I have made since moving here. They have made my life easier, more fun, and richer. I love my new friends. I love my old friends. And I just wanted to say that.

Moral of the story: I'm grateful for friends today. Other than that, I have no idea what point this over-long post has, except that I sat down and felt like writing about it.

 Yes I am STILL awkward. Most of the time it doesn't seep into my writing like it did today, and stays in my interpersonal, face-to-face relationships where talking is involved instead.

Also, this picture is particularly funny to me right now. This, my friends, was in an adult roles class geared towards scaring kids out of having unprotected sex, because then you would be kept up most of the night by a screaming baby that didn't have a key to shut it up. It was my senior year of high school, and these are some of my friends. This picture is particularly funny to me right now, because 4 of us have kids or are pregnant, and 2 are engaged or already married. This image is kind of a scary future-telling photo.

So, I guess I would like to know: 
what kind of person were you when you didn't know who you were? 
Was anyone else a total weirdo?


  1. This is funny to me. I hated middle school. Period. It was lame and dramatic. I think it was a big time transitioning period for me, and I seem to have felt the same way you did. But I never would have known you felt that way. You've always seemed to have your crap together! And I love that I get to be in the middle school picture and in the high school picture! Yay! Oh and by the way, I can't believe how little Marinn is in the picture. She was my little buddy back then!

  2. This is so strange to me, because in high school everyone thought you and and your group of friends were the 'it' girls. Seriously. It's weird for me to even think of you thinking of yourself as anything other than a gorgeous, confident person--because that is how you came across.

    I appreciate the panty beak you've got going on.

    And I hope you appreciate me being a major stalker. Ha. You probably don't even know who I am.

  3. Elyse you are way too dramatic! You weren't that bad!

  4. I too appreciate the panty beak. I agree with your mom, I always thought you and Todd were the cutest middle schoolers ever. But I know how you feel. Not totally cause you actually were gorgeous and popular in hs, no matter what you went through in middle school. I was such a dork. And I always wanted to be friends with certain girls. Luckily I wasn't brave enough to make the first move, because the bad girls were the cool ones where I came from. Haha. I seriously love that you were such a good girl though, despite being gorgeous and talented and everything. It gives me hope for Gwen that she will want to make good choices. But she will probably be weird like me and the choice will be made for her. Can't wait for more pictures of your little baby under your shirt. Did that sound weird? I'm tired.

  5. Middle school sucked. Period. If anyone says otherwise then they are lying. Because if a person didn't go through that super awkward phase in middle school, then it's because they are developmentally delayed and have yet to get there. I think we all felt the same kind of stupid, but no one dared admit it. :)

  6. wow you were a geek weren't you:)

  7. Middle School was bomb what are you talking about?! ;) Sixth grade, we were friends and then you just went and ditched me in 7th. Rude. :) It is ok, but I do remember that transition time for you, and me? I was so excited that we got to be friends because you were so cool! Marinn is tiny and adorable. Thanks for posting that absolutely adorable picture of me Elyse. We sure were cute! I remember feeling so cool being invited to your party with all of those other 'cool' girls in our grade! What a weird time. :) Love you Elyse!

    P.S. You are gorgeous!

  8. Ahem. You are HILARIOUS. and I'm pretty sure I felt like I was reading about MY life for most of that. Because I wanted to be an author too! I've written about a few of my "books" on my blog- because I really think my 3rd grade brain was hilarious and awkward. The awkwardness prevailed for much of my teens- even till the present- but I think I just wear it more confidently. Who cares if you're awkward, you know? I mean, what is NORMAL anyway? And who wants to be normal? Not I, Not I.

    You're so fun, Elyse. I feel so cool to be included in your friend pictures. because oh my freakin' heck, you're awesome. I feel like I got chosen to be on your dodgeball team in middle school or something. Like really cool.

    Anyway, I miss you- it's been FOREV. I hate not being in YW anymore, mostly because I'm realizing that as pathetic as it sounds- it was my social life. sigh. Anyway, hope you're doing well. let's catch up- like ASAP. yes? yes.


    PS you're like one of the prettiest girls I know. FO SHO.

  9. I absolutely adored your friends in middle school and highschool. I sure did miss them when they all moved on. I love your new fiends too - they are the funnest girls and I hope you feel lucky to have had so many good friends in your life - it doesn't happen for everyone. Little old lady advice from your mother...



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