The numero uno reason being pregnant is awesome.

8.26.2011

Let's talk about boobs. 
Excited?

So, this whole pregnancy-morphing-alien-body thing has really been a ride. Like a really surreal ride. Someday I'll tell you the level of excitement we reached when we saw this second little pink line on a stick I peed on (it was anti-climatic) to say the least. I think it was because we were both really tired.


ANYWAY...boobs. I have dealt with a negative chest my whole adolescence, young woman-ness, college days, and married life. My mom says I get it from her. You see, in high school, my mom was what the boys called "a pirate's dream" (a sunken chest....hardy har). Get it? Well, she didn't have any. And poor me, neither did I. I was the girl who went to Victoria's Secret and proudly said "34 B please!", when I secretly probably should have been an A. Because I lacked in the chest department and made up for it thoroughly in the booty department, boys tended to pass right over my boyish chest and laugh at my ghetto. 
Case in point 1: Elyse has a huge butt

So, needless to say, I took a JLO, Beyonce-type pride in my nicely-shaped rear. I got a lot of compliments, but they were given in a way that I could tell if those boys really did like my junk in the trunk, or if they were making fun of me for the size (because I'm telling you, it's big). So I just went with the "they like it" mentality.
Case in point 2: Elyse has a huge butt

Then I met Dale (insert awwww). We had that conversation that I know you've all had in one way or another. You know, the one where you ask what their favorite feature is on you. Or, you ask what kind of "guy" are they? Hair color guy? Butt guy? Boobs guy? Cougar guy? Pedophile guy? Big blue eyes cheerleader type guy?  If your guy is smart, he's been paying attention to what you dislike most about yourself. And he answers that he is THAT guy. 

You see what's coming. Our whole dating career, Dale told me he couldn't care less about boobs. Ewww. Big boobs are gross. Seriously, your butt is where it's at.  I started to believe my cute boyfriend.
Case in point 3: Elyse has a HUUGE A

THEN we got married. And this weird obsession men have with boobs kind of manifested itself. So, I teased him of course. He denied. But I just could shake the weird feeling that all men are obsessed with boobs, even Dale. 
Case in point 4: Elyse has a freakin' ghetto

THEN, I got pregnant. BAM and BAM. The girls manifested. And wow are they manifesting. It's awesome. I have the best cleavage in the world. My butt took a back seat. And lately, Dale has a tendency to not look at my eyes when we're talking. They kind of wander. Like some teenage boy. It's slightly (did I just say slightly? I meant mostly) gratifying, and only a little annoying. I get to do that thing where I move my finger up to my eyes and say "I'm up here...". This whole boob thing is powerful. I have full control over my husband. And so I'll just enjoy these 9 months of power and boobness that I've always dreamed of. I fit in my bra now. It's totally unheard of.

And now that you are all sufficiently red and squirming in your seat from the awkwardness of this post, I dare you have-been or are-pregnant people to disagree with me on this point, even if you weren't cursed with a sunken chest like me. And all of you that aren't pregnant...you wait. jusssst wait. 

You'll see.

ps. aren't you glad I only posted pictures of my butt?

12 comments:

  1. Just wait till after you start nursing........It's sad to say the least.

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  2. I totally 100% agree with Randi... I'm going to start taking donations for a certain elective surgery :) SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited for you guys to have that little baby, we sure do miss you both!!

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  3. And this is why I've missed you. You make me laugh. Yay for perkier boob! Nursing twins I had to buy a size F bra! So excited for you and Dale!

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  4. just wait until you are nursing!

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  5. Just wait till you are done nursing! Huh, Randi?

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  6. Well, I agree with everyone up above! It's hilarious that when you are going through a painful two days (or more haha) to get those bad boys...your husband is IN LOVE! haha I would go buy another bra or two for your last trimester...YOU WILL NEED THEM! Elyse I am so excited for you...not about the boobs thing exactly (which is amazing cuz I was the same way)but just about the baby!!! :) Oh and if you don't like your boobs when you're done nursing...just prego again like me! hahah (not the reason I got prego) Love Ya!

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  7. I'm glad you brought up this perk. Even Kelcie has boobs right now! There must be something in the water in cedar because none of us have boobs...its not right.

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  8. Baby got back! I have to agree with you Elyse, the boobs are wonderful. Too bad they will be saggy afterwards:(

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  9. That's what I meant Mom.....GEEZ! Embarrassing!

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  10. Thank you! Oh you just make me laugh! Yes its fantastic. Gosh darnit my nursing days are growing closer to an end. Nervous! ha

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  11. I will never understand men and their obsession with boobs. Like for real.
    But I must say, I do like filling out a shirt for a few months! It's niiice.

    You're hilarious.

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  12. the power of the boobs is so real...and I finally know what you are talking about.

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