Where's Your Brain?

5.16.2011

Welllll hey fellow waste-your-life-on-the-internet friends.

Today I have a special treat for you all.

It's called: My Funeral.



A funeral? You might be asking yourself, dispairingly, "whyyyyyyyy?" OR "At such a ripe age?" OR "But I thought only the good die young?" OR "She had such a bright future ahead of her", or any combination of heart-wrenching sadness at such a bright star such as myself ripped from this earth without warning.

Well. I'll tell you. Because I'm stupid.

I volunteered myself to babysit. And not just any baby.

A baby MASTIFF (the epitome of oxymoron).

I don't think it's coincidence that MASSIVE is the word that many people use to describe MASTIFF dogs. Because whoever came up with the word "Mastiff" obviously got a D- in English.


Long story short, I'm dogsitting a Mastiff dog this coming weekend. See that dog in the middle? That's how big this dog is in real life. Except huge-er. Can't quite wrap your head around it? Just think about The Sandlot (arguably the best movie ever made), and while you're thinking about that, watch this. It's the same dog.




and for good measure



Maybe if I looked like Wendy Peffercorn, I wouldn't have to die such an untimely death. 

On a serious note, I'm over exaggerating. The dog was super nice when I met him the other day. His paws only hit the top of my head when he was jumping on me to say hi. I sure hope he doesn't get all territorial on me when his owners are gone and I come traipsing into his house unannounced. 

So long, cruel world. Nice knowin' ya.
Dale, will you sing at my funeral?

5 comments:

  1. haha. you are hilarious. serisouly. Maybe you should take the dog to your favorite sketchy park. After all, he is the ultimate protector! Also, can I have your clothes when you go? ;)

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  2. This one got my attention, very funny. I will pray that you'll survive, because we like having you around. Would love to be a fly on the wall, however, when you're handling the "beast" Good luck !

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  3. Thanks for commenting on my blog! I've been meaning to comment on yours for awhile now. Also, I've been blog stalking you for awhile now. :) I love your blog, your seriously hilarious and I love your vintage style and sense of fashion. Oh we share a similar love for Jack Shephard. I'm completely obsessed with Lost.

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  4. Make Sure you do not smell like food!

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  5. Oh my gosh.. I forgot about that dog. Scared me good. It says a lot about our relationship that I was willing to go with you because that Mastiff was MASSIVE!

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