monterey getaway: part dos

Our second day in Monterey was really amazing. The thing I was most excited about this vacation was my opportunity to not be woken up by that incessantly loud and cute alarm called Vivian.

So, I was so excited to sleep in...and so we did. We slept in late....well, ok, we actually didn't. Unfortunately I am now programmed to wake up at the exact time my baby wakes up, even if she isn't there.

Ugh! I hate when that happens.

Anyway, we didn't sleep in, but then we went into the little dining room of our bed and breakfast where we had an amazing home cooked breakfast waiting for us. We ate as much as we wanted, took our time, I didn't wear a bra to breakfast and we stayed in our pajamas just because we could.

Luckily, we have some awesome friends who lent us their member passes to the Monterey Bay aquarium. We didn't have plans to spend money to see the aquarium, but when they so graciously lended their passes to us, we could give up our opportunity to go for free. (SO NICE OF YOU GUYS, AGAIN! THANKS!).  So, we did. We headed to the aquarium, and we were so glad that we did. It was AWESOME.



The ocean freaks me out, but what an amazing place it is! The creatures swimmin' around in there are so cool. Our favorite things to look at were all of the jellyfish and the tiny little sea horses. We really couldn't get enough of them and spent most of our time there. We even saw seahorse that was small enough to fit on a penny. WEIRD.













And Sea Dragons...did you guys even know that those things existed?! They are SO COOL.



We accidentally spent most of our day at the aquarium, but we wanted to take a drive and see all of the beautiful scenery that Monterey is so famous for before we had to head home. After running a couple errands, we paid the fee to drive the 17-mile drive, and it was totally worth it. We kept stopping and marveling at the white sandy beaches and clear, turquoise water. Dale kept saying how he never suspected that these beaches could exist in California (and THAT is why we live here, people...and put up with outrageous government...and crappy schools...and ridiculous gas prices...and unrealistic cost of living....I guess...)





Before the drive, we picked up some sandwiches and parked ourselves on the first beautiful beach we came across. As we were sitting there enjoying the sun, we noticed a few little fins a little ways out in the water. We watched for a while and realized that a group of dolphins were playing! We watched them for so long, because DOLPHINS you guys. I love them.





We headed off and started on the rest of the drive, only to stop at two more little beaches. The water here was even more amazing, and the jutting black rocks were in perfect juxtaposition to the tropical water. We just could not get enough of the beauty of the place.

We ended up staying at these beaches so long that we left later than planned. By the time we were done, we had to turn around after 5 miles of 17-mile drive, and ended up getting stuck in the worst rush hour traffic ever. We suck.













Anyway...that was our trip in a nutshell. I can't say enough amazing things about getting away from your kidlet and just doing your thang with your lover. You know? (not that thang...gross). I wish I could go back ASAP and stay forever. And always eat pizza, forever and ever, amen.

life story: on being born

Writer Wednesdays will act as a catalyst for my life story that I would like to start working on. Some I will post, some I will not. I believe that each of us should write our life story for our posterity and for others, but mostly for ourselves. I think we can learn the most about ourselves and who we are becoming when we write it down. This is me, from the beginning. Join in if you'd like.

I was born on a cold and snowy morning, December in the midwest. It was a small college town where my Dad was a poor dental student and my mom was carrying me. On a date that would later become my favorite number, I was born on the 14th of that month, at the tail end of 1988, the big hair and bright colors and loud music of the 80's giving way to the grunge of the 90's. And I knew about none of this, my pink squirmy body, yowling at the offensive light and cold slap of air and gloved hands.

I can't remember this entrance in the world, though I'm told it was fantastic. A laboring mom in pain from an epidural that didn't work, dropping heart rate, contractions and a breathless blue baby make up bits and pieces of my beginning. And then: a wavering cry and mother and child locking eyes for the first time. My mom describes this moment with just a smell. She says when I was put on her chest, the first thing she noticed was the smell of my little body: earthy, powerful and primal. A powerful smell, like nothing she had ever inhaled before. Incredible. Unforgettable. Binding.

I know only a few details of my birth. I know that I was born. I know the name of the doctor who delivered me, scrawled in tiny letters across a pink birth certificate. From this, I also know I was 7 pounds 8 1/4 ounces and just 19 inches long. A baby girl with a fuzzy head of dark hair and squinty, swollen eyes. Dark and beautiful, with a perfectly round face. I know this from pictures; Those pictures of a curly-headed mom with bangs, young and tired but happy, and a dad with a mustache and weird mullet.

 

I pour over these pictures of myself as a baby because that is all I know, really. Being born is my truth, my grand entrance, my first beginning. I came during tumultous times, though you'd never know it by looking. That's the thing about babies: they're clueless. The crazy adult life that their parents bring them into...well they're oblivious to it, only knowing that they need to eat and sleep and learn this bright new world. The parents go on living and you become the center of it all.

I don't remember anything of being born. But the pictures tell the story. I was born. I was a spirit and then I had a body. But my early life is a mystery of which I would love to solve. I want to watch it from above and feel the emotions in the room; to hear my crying mom, smell the impersonal odor of a hospital filled with warm bodies. I want to feel a spirit enter a room and watch the faces see the intermingling of divinity and mortality.

These things I don't remember, but pictures do. I know the clinical information, but the pictures know the story. They encapsulate whispers of memory. And it is from those captured emotions, frozen in time, that I try to glean pieces of my beginning, before they are lost.

And so my life started, in the mid-morning on a December. First offspring of a Brian and Lori, dental school goers, 80's hair sporters, and brand new parents. I was given a name: Elyse, like on Family Ties, spelled with a Y instead of an I like in Fur Elise. No middle name, though my dad wanted to adhere to the Armenian tradition of giving his first name as my middle (thank goodness that didn't happen. Elyse Brian Tavoian? puhlease).

So, it was just Elyse. And life began.

monterey getaway: part one

For our anniversary last week, Dale surprised me with a little getaway just the two of us to a place we've been dreaming of going forever! We went to Monterey Bay! He booked us a little room at a Victorian-esque bed and breakfast SANS BABY!! We were ecstatic. It worked out that my mom was going to be here during the time we planned to leave, so we had a built in babysitter (which NEVER happens).

On Monday, we headed down midday with a freedom blowing in our hair down Highway 101 and no plans. It was just a quick one night stay, but gosh it was nice. We checked into our charming little bed and breakfast place and promptly dropped all of our cares at the door. The place was a beautiful old Victorian home originally built in the 1900's. It had been rennovated to become a bed and breakfast, but still boasted a lot of its original hardware and charm. I instantly fell in love with the place. We walked around the beautiful gardens, took pictures, ate their free cookies and appetizers (freaking amazing homemade stuff, so good I even bought the recipe book they sold).

The ocean was just a block away, so we strolled down a block to see the storminess of it. It was gloomy and dark with a slight wind, but I think it just added to the experience. We were amazed at the beautiful color of the water and the beauty of the coast that was just a short jaunt from our room. We strolled down the road to the touristy Cannery Row and checked out the little shops. To Dale's utter delight, there was a little Dippin Dots ice cream shop right there! We of course had to snatch some of that up.

Later, we had little date with some newish friends, Lauren and Ted, at the local farmer's market to get some dinner and officially meet. That Zoey has stolen my heart with her cutie face. Isn't it so fun to meet people you've only known online? So that was fun, and since the farmer's market was so close, we could walk to and from our place and see all the  cute Victorian homes that seem to make up all of Monterey/Pacific Grove/Etc on our way.

And anyway, after that, we decided that we could do whatever the heck we wanted. We headed on a little drive around the place to see all of the amazingness before it got to dark and happened upon these unbelievable purple blooms carpeting the ground all around. I made Dale stop and snapped an obscene amount of pictures to try and capture the beauty of it, but I couldn't. It is so breathtakingly beautiful in Monterey right now.










We then went to eat a second dinner in which I ate pizza for the 2nd time in 2 hours. It was epic and liberating, amen (and this has turned into a travelog, for which I'm sorry, but not really).

We tried so very hard to stay up past ten, but we ended up turning on our favorite guilty pleasure show and freaked out about how crazy it was. And then we were out like the huge parenty wimps that we are.

Thus concludes part one of our Monterey trip.
To be continued...hold onto your hats, people. This is riveting stuff!

motherhood

As I have contemplated Mother's Day this year, I have thought a lot about my Mother's Day last year and how I was feeling as I faced my new and unknown journey of motherhood that lay ahead of me. I was scared. I was lost. I had a million hormones rushing through my body making me angry and confused. I was overwhelmed. One year ago, I was in a really dark place. Post-Partum depression was invading my life, and looking back, I only see a big dark storm cloud of confusion, stress and worry. I did not want to be a mother. I did not want a baby. I didn't know why being a mother could be concieved as so wonderful. I wasn't happy. It was hard.

Looking back....well, wow. My emotions were strong and all-consuming. But as they say, hind sight is 20/20. Now that I am out of the storm and breathing on dry land again, I can see my struggles, but I can see the joys as well that maybe I couldn't emotionally or mentally enjoy back then. I see how far I have come since last year.

In this past year of being a mother, I have learned an incredible amount about myself, but there is one thing that stands out to me about myself the most:

I have unearthed this divine ability in myself. It required a lot of digging and sacrifice, but there she was, hidden beneath the mud and grime of pride and hormones and comparison and immaturity. I have tapped in to my divine role of motherhood. I was born to do this. I LOVE this. I am a mother; the one who rocks her baby to sleep when the house is in shambles. I am the one who wipes baby noses on my shirt, and reads the same book over and over. I am the one who makes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch even though I know they will end u pon the floor. I change diapers and kiss away tears and do ridiculous things for a baby giggle. I eat cheerios off the floor and can wrangle squirmy toddler bodies like nobody's business.

Last year, I wanted so badly to WANT to be a mother, but I didn't know how to make myself want it. I felt constricted.

This year, I have learned, cried, sweated, sacrificed, taught, watched and been humbled. Through my sweet Vivian, I have found the motherhood gene that is in me, and as soon as I recognized that it was there, I reveled in it and Viv taught me how. She loved me and needed me and helped me realize that I am good enough. I created her life. I labored her into this world. I gave her precious spirit a body, and I sacrifice everything I have to make her happy.. And though her mortal body and mind may not be conscious of my sacrifices, I know that deep inside, her little spirit knew all along that she was there to teach me how to become a mother. She knew I would need her, and so she needed me, because she knew that is how I would learn.

Being a mom is the hardest job I have ever had, no contest. Sometimes it can be unrewarding, but most of the time, it is the most reassuring and hopeful thing in my life. It is the brightest glimpse into eternity that I will ever have.

I am thankful that I have been able to unearth and embrace the mother that was inside of me all along. I am thankful for the wonderful, beautiful, kind women that I am constantly surrounded by who teach me so many things about love and patience and selfless service. My mother-in-law, my sisters-in-law, my grandmas and aunts and cousins; my friends with or without kids, the women in my ward and stake and all of you with your wonderful examples of kindess and sacrifice and humility...I learn so much from the amazing women that inhabit this earth.

To my mother-in-law, thank you for raising a son who is the best husband and father I could ever ask for, and for loving me like your own.

And to my mother...she is the mom I want to be someday, and I am grateful for her gentle influence and guidance that has been there as a constant my entire life.

Happy Mother's Day to the strong and beautiful women in my life.
Let's eat chocolate!

A few other things that have really touched me lately about motherhood: This article (which is so simply and profoundy beautiful), and this book here, which I cannot put down and think every woman should read it, like yesterday.

for mamo

A few weeks ago, we headed down to San Diego to attend Dale's grandma's funeral. It was sad to say goodbye, but I wanted to really remember her, and so I'm writing this to help me remember what I loved most about her. Though I only knew her for a couple years, I remember feeling an instant connection with her when I met her. To me, she was the epitome of the era I love so much, with stories of her life that could be in a novel.

One thing I loved about Mamo was her ability to tell really great stories. When we would visit, she always told us the story of how she graduated Valedictorian of her high school class. She would comment on my long dark hair and how she was a beautician when she was younger, cutting and styling hair in the glamorous 40's. Once I asked her to teach me how to do finger waves, and she taught me all of her old school tricks.

During World War II, she went to help the war effort by building planes, and later, she went to school and that's where she met the love of her life, a Marine man and Dale's grandpa, Eugene Puckett. I loved when she told me about their love story...it's one that I think is so perfect. They were married for 65 years, one of my biggest and most treasured examples of true love and lasting relationships. Eugene, or Papa as we call him, has always seemed to be totally and completely in love with his wife. It was so sweet to see them together. I feel like they are that iconic couple of love through the ages, classic and beautiful. That is something I will always strive to emulate in my own marriage is the compassion and deep love they showed for each other, even after so many years together. I'm glad that Dale has that in his genes.

 Mamo, was the funniest old lady I have ever met in my life. She was spunky and hilarious and sarcastic. I always was in love with her style and how she made sure to look nice every day, with her beautiful jewelry and great stories of her life and their travels around the world. Their house is filled with trinkets and unique, beautiful pieces, each with a story.

When we lived in Utah, Dale and I visited San Diego a lot since it was such a short drive for us. One time when I was visiting, Mamo pulled out her beautiful, vintage wedding dress from the 40's. Me and my vintage loving heart freaked out. It was BEAUTIFUL! She had extra pieces of her original silky fabric that she was going to get rid of, and as I was getting married in the next few months, I asked her if I could maybe make my wedding garter out of her pieces of fabric. And she said yes!! It was a literal dream come true. My mother in law sewed two beautiful garters for me, and I feel privileged that I get to have this piece of Mamo that has so much significance to me.

Towards the end, Mamo grew forgetful and would tell us story after story, a lot of them the same. One of my favorites was when she told me about the new fad "jogging" that came out when she was younger. She had read an obscure book about running for fun. She thought it was so interesting, so one day, she started jogging down the street. All of a sudden, a pair of policemen come up to her in a panic, "ma'am! ma'am! Are you alright? Can we help?!", Mamo was so confused and said no, thanks but she was fine. "But why are you running? What are you running from?", She told them it was a new thing called jogging, and that she was just running for fun. In her version of the story, the police were very confused and left a little wary of the situation, but everytime she told it, I laughed my head off. She was such a great story teller!

But one of the things I loved the most about visiting San Diego was Mamo's beautiful garden that she worked so hard on. I swear that woman could grow anything, and she always had a million knick knacks and beautiful flowers, but the coolest thing was her humongous macadamia nut tree. She worked so hard in her yard and it was beautiful. She always would send us packages of her nuts covered in chocolate, and they were amazing.

While we were there visiting for the funeral, I wanted to take pictures of the things that remind me most of her. This is her beautiful yard, and I will always love it. They remind me of her and her spunky personality.

Even though we know that Mamo is happier and feels much better where she is now, the funeral was difficult because of the sadness Papa showed saying goodbye. It was heartbreaking to see him so devastated by the departing of the love of his life, to the pont that it looked like he just couldn't go on without her. It was so sad, but heartwarming at the same time. It was wonderful to see such true love.

I hope that my relationship with Dale can be as filled with love and longing as theirs was. Mamo was a wonderful person with a wonderful posterity. We sure will miss her.

Photo cred courtesy of my Sis in law, Jannah